Thou, Oh LORD Are a Shield For Me

Yesterday was one of “those days”. 

The day before yesterday, during lunch, I was going through some of my old file folders and cleaning up.  I came across a folder of old choir songs.  I created a playlist for them, so I could listen to them while I’m playing with my square pegs. 

Yesterday, I was frustrated for a myriad of reasons.  Actually, frustration doesn't accurately describe how I was feeling.  I was far past frustrated.  I felt angry.  I cried out to God, even though I certainly did not feel like praying.  Most of you know that feeling.  You need help, but you’re angry and frustrated, and don’t want to pray.

How dumb is that? 

It’s like having a car that has a grinding sound from the engine, but instead of getting it to a mechanic, who can diagnose and fix it, we would rather just be angry and complain.

But I began praying (which can be interpreted as angrily griping about my situation).  Thank you, God, for being such a loving, patient Father to your spoiled little children.

As I was praying, I felt the still small voice tell me to listen to some music, and keep working on the square pegs.  So I did what any “good” Christian who desires to serve and honor his Father does.  I continued to complain.  I did not “feel like” listening to music.

After a moment, I gave up, and opened Media Player on my computer.  There were my playlists:

·         Choir

·         Bible (the entire Bible in audio format)

·         Country

·         Rock (exactly what it sounds like)

·         Uplifting (Contemporary Christian music)

If I was going to listen to anything, I was in the mood for rock.  But I found myself kicking off the Choir list.

And the music started.

Still angry…

Still frustrated…

Still didn’t want to listen to anything, much less Choir songs…

Thou, Oh Lord

Many are they increased that troubled me
Many are they that rise up against me
Many there be which say of my soul
There is no help for him in God

But Thou, oh Lord are a shield for me
My glory and the lifter of my head
Thou, oh Lord are a shield for me
My glory and the lifter of my head

I cried unto the Lord with my voice
And he heard me out of His holy hill
I laid me down and slept and awaked
For the Lord sustained, for he sustained me

Thou, oh Lord are a shield for me
My glory and the lifter of my head
Thou, oh Lord are shield for me
My glory and the lifter of my head

I soon found myself singing along. 

Music speaks to me in a way the spoken word never will.  And there were so many songs I loved singing in choir.  This was close to the top of the list.  As I silently sang my way through the song, I began to tear up as I hit the bridge.

I cried unto the Lord with my voice
And he heard me out of His holy hill
I laid me down and slept and awaked
For the Lord sustained, for he sustained me

And for some reason, I began to feel peace…

After the song ended, I played it again.  As the song neared the same spot, I felt it even stronger.  As I was crying to the LORD with my voice, He heard me.  And He was telling me that He would sustain me. 

I can’t explain the peace of God.  I don’t often feel it this strongly.  Deep inside, I know everything will be okay.  But in the midst of trials, I too often feel alone, and abandoned.  His word promises me I will never be that.  Ever.  This was one time He chose to sooth my anger with His gentle peace almost immediately.

If you have experienced that peace before, then you understand what I’m talking about.  If you haven’t, I could try all day to explain it, and you still wouldn't truly understand.

I don’t deserve for the God of all creation to take the time to worry about my little problems.  And please understand what I’m saying.  When He does, it has absolutely NOTHING to do with me being worth anything.  It is always ALL about His unfailing love.  His mercy.  His grace.  Why He chooses to bestow it on my during the times I’m most unlovable is something I will never understand this side of heaven. 

But I’ll gladly take it any time He chooses to give it.

No idea what I’m talking about? 

For God so loved the world….

You’ve all heard it…most of you can quote it.  

But do you believe it?  And does it make a difference in your life?

What An Honor

Saturday, July 20th, 2013 started normally enough.  The dogs were awake, ready for breakfast, and then to go defend the yard from dangerous squirrels and birds.  I was a little nervous and anxious.  My son, Chase and I were scheduled to take our P2 test in Krav Maga.  While we both felt we were ready, there are so many things to remember.  And we knew it was going to be at least a couple of hours of intense testing. 

We both passed our P1 tests earlier in the year.  Mine was at the end of January, and his was in February.  He was originally scheduled to take his in January, and came down with the flu, including 102-degree fever the morning of the test.  I may have been as disappointed as he was that we were unable to test together.  Krav has been something we have enjoyed together, and it has been a great bonding experience. 

We began the test on Saturday at around 9:15.  I thought there may have been a couple of other people there that morning, but as it turned out, our instructor was the only other one there.  In hindsight, it was somehow better that way.  More individualized...more private...more intimate...more special.  Working our way through the entire P1 curriculum was “fairly easy".  Sometime a little before 11:00, we began P2. 

As I type this on Monday at lunch, my forearms, my shoulders, my knees, my back, and even my eyebrows hurt.  Okay, maybe not the eyebrows. 

After three hours in a small, stuffy room, the test was over.  Steve, our instructor, gave us points on what we needed to remember, some things to focus on to improve, and where we did well.  We left; both exhausted, and pretty well spent for the rest of the day.  But we had passed.

BTW -- Steve is an incredible instructor.  He cares about teaching Krav, and he cares about his students.  It is not enough to him to teach the technique.  He wants to know you know why it works.  And he takes the time to show you how to do it better.  What works for him may not work for me.  (I am quite a bit smaller).  Check us out at http://www.legacykravmaga.com. 

What an incredible honor it was to test with him.  We have a few bruises, and I think I busted his lip accidentally.  But to test with him, and accomplish this together was an awesome experience.  It has been wonderful to have this time with Chase.  I say "has been" because in just over a week, he will leave for the Navy.  For the past two years, he has lived with me.  Krav has given us something that we can work together on, discuss, hurt each other a little, and bond with each other. 

As I write this, my eyes begin to tear because I know he will soon be gone.  It is sadness and joy.  It is watching a child become a man.  It is watching someone who was pretty well at the depths of his life a couple of years ago, coming through it, and making the world a better place.  There are not a lot of things in my life that I am proud of.  But when I look at my son, I am proud.  Not because of anything I have done, but because of the man he has become. 

We were talking about next week, and he said he did not want us to be emotional when he swears in.  Good luck with that.  It may be something he understands in another thirty years or so.  I certainly do not claim any credit for Chase being the man he has become.  His life has always been in God's hands.  

Thank you, God, for loving Chase enough to bring him through the trials, and make him someone I am so very proud of.  Thank you for allowing me to be a part of his life.  And please watch over him and protect him in (and out) of the Navy. 

Chase, thank you for never giving up.  I know there were times you wanted to.  Times you just "knew" life was not worth it.  But you have proven yourself wrong.  No matter what comes ahead; no matter how tough life becomes; remember what you have come through.  Whatever it is, whatever it takes...

You can do it.

I love you.


I am proud of you.