Thou, Oh LORD Are a Shield For Me

Yesterday was one of “those days”. 

The day before yesterday, during lunch, I was going through some of my old file folders and cleaning up.  I came across a folder of old choir songs.  I created a playlist for them, so I could listen to them while I’m playing with my square pegs. 

Yesterday, I was frustrated for a myriad of reasons.  Actually, frustration doesn't accurately describe how I was feeling.  I was far past frustrated.  I felt angry.  I cried out to God, even though I certainly did not feel like praying.  Most of you know that feeling.  You need help, but you’re angry and frustrated, and don’t want to pray.

How dumb is that? 

It’s like having a car that has a grinding sound from the engine, but instead of getting it to a mechanic, who can diagnose and fix it, we would rather just be angry and complain.

But I began praying (which can be interpreted as angrily griping about my situation).  Thank you, God, for being such a loving, patient Father to your spoiled little children.

As I was praying, I felt the still small voice tell me to listen to some music, and keep working on the square pegs.  So I did what any “good” Christian who desires to serve and honor his Father does.  I continued to complain.  I did not “feel like” listening to music.

After a moment, I gave up, and opened Media Player on my computer.  There were my playlists:

·         Choir

·         Bible (the entire Bible in audio format)

·         Country

·         Rock (exactly what it sounds like)

·         Uplifting (Contemporary Christian music)

If I was going to listen to anything, I was in the mood for rock.  But I found myself kicking off the Choir list.

And the music started.

Still angry…

Still frustrated…

Still didn’t want to listen to anything, much less Choir songs…

Thou, Oh Lord

Many are they increased that troubled me
Many are they that rise up against me
Many there be which say of my soul
There is no help for him in God

But Thou, oh Lord are a shield for me
My glory and the lifter of my head
Thou, oh Lord are a shield for me
My glory and the lifter of my head

I cried unto the Lord with my voice
And he heard me out of His holy hill
I laid me down and slept and awaked
For the Lord sustained, for he sustained me

Thou, oh Lord are a shield for me
My glory and the lifter of my head
Thou, oh Lord are shield for me
My glory and the lifter of my head

I soon found myself singing along. 

Music speaks to me in a way the spoken word never will.  And there were so many songs I loved singing in choir.  This was close to the top of the list.  As I silently sang my way through the song, I began to tear up as I hit the bridge.

I cried unto the Lord with my voice
And he heard me out of His holy hill
I laid me down and slept and awaked
For the Lord sustained, for he sustained me

And for some reason, I began to feel peace…

After the song ended, I played it again.  As the song neared the same spot, I felt it even stronger.  As I was crying to the LORD with my voice, He heard me.  And He was telling me that He would sustain me. 

I can’t explain the peace of God.  I don’t often feel it this strongly.  Deep inside, I know everything will be okay.  But in the midst of trials, I too often feel alone, and abandoned.  His word promises me I will never be that.  Ever.  This was one time He chose to sooth my anger with His gentle peace almost immediately.

If you have experienced that peace before, then you understand what I’m talking about.  If you haven’t, I could try all day to explain it, and you still wouldn't truly understand.

I don’t deserve for the God of all creation to take the time to worry about my little problems.  And please understand what I’m saying.  When He does, it has absolutely NOTHING to do with me being worth anything.  It is always ALL about His unfailing love.  His mercy.  His grace.  Why He chooses to bestow it on my during the times I’m most unlovable is something I will never understand this side of heaven. 

But I’ll gladly take it any time He chooses to give it.

No idea what I’m talking about? 

For God so loved the world….

You’ve all heard it…most of you can quote it.  

But do you believe it?  And does it make a difference in your life?

Ship of Fools

At 8 PM Monday night, April 7th, 2014, a man walked into a police station in Los Angeles and opened fire on two officers.  One officer was hit seven times, but both he and the female officer returned fire, hitting the suspect several times. 

The officer is said to be in good condition, and the gunman was critical.  No one else was injured.

Scary moments to be sure.  But let's compare that with another incident that happened last week.

On Wednesday, April 2nd, 2014, Ivan Lopez walked into an administrative building in Fort Hood, and opened fire.  Four people were killed and sixteen wounded.

That followed less than five years after Nidal Hasan (I'll refrain from using the title "Major", as he certainly dishonored his rank) killed thirteen, and injured more than thirty others.

What is the difference in the Fort Hood shootings, and the Los Angeles police station shooting?

Common sense. 

As soon as the two officers in Los Angeles realized what was happening, they took action.  They returned fire, incapacitated the gunman, and ended the incident.

As soon as the soldiers at Fort Hood realized what was happening, all they could do is run and hide, and wait for someone to come help them. 

Men and women, who we have trained to be the best in the world were defenseless.  Those we arm, and send into harm's way to defend third world countries when needed, were unable to defend their own lives on a military base here in our own country.  Men and women who are more than capable of dealing with armed suspects intent on killing, were unable to do anything until Military Police arrived.

How stupid is this?

They are trained to defend our country, and we will not let them carry weapons on our bases here at home. 

Similar circumstances:

1.  Two officers versus one gunman.  One officer injured; gunman incapacitated.

2.  Dozens of United States soldiers versus one gunman.  Thirteen killed, more than thirty wounded.  Gunman shot and paralyzed, but still very much alive.

3.  Again, dozens of United States soldiers versus one gunman.  Four killed, and sixteen wounded.  Gunman took his own life.

Let's paint a different picture. 

Nidal Hasan walks in the building that morning in 2009, intending to kill as many soldiers as he can.  Yet, as he pulls his weapon and readies himself to kill, others in the room see what's happening, and draw their weapons.  Yes, he may have killed one or two, but then would have quickly found the justice he certainly deserved.  No long court battles.  No news stories about how many millions are being spent to provide food, shelter and transportation for Hasan.

What if Ivan Lopez had met the same resistance?  He pulls his gun, and gets off a couple of rounds before others take him out?

And before you get on to me for not being compassionate, let me explain.

I know they are saying Lopez had some mental issues after serving overseas.  I'm not saying he didn't deserve to get help.  What I am saying is, the other innocent people deserved to go home to their families that night.  If we had equipped the soldiers to do the job we expect them to do, and have trained them to do, the outcome would have been very different.

And it may be easy to look at the situation and feel a little safer.  After all, it was on a military base, and the majority of us do not live there.  But what if he had somehow taken a weapon from that base, and used it to attack the city of Killen, killing dozens?  Would we then argue that we shouldn't have those weapons on our military bases?

It's been said a hundred times.  Guns don't kill people.  People kill people.  And until we understand that the evil is not in the tool, but in the holder of that tool, we will continue to suffer.

Let's arm the men and women of our military.  We let them carry weapons when they are protecting other countries.  Let's tell them that their lives are worth as much as citizens in a country halfway across the world.  Let them do what they were trained to do.

May God bless all who proudly serve.  And may we proudly stand behind them.

 

48

So I turned 48 yesterday.

I guess it's normal to think about your life when you turn older.  SO many years to review.

On one hand, Facebook has made our world a lot smaller.  People I haven't seen in 40 years are suddenly part of life again.  Those who I was friends with in high school that I haven’t seen since then are friends again.  I may never see some of them again, but I can keep up with their lives, and they can keep up with mine.

On the other hand, life has, over the years, started to fly by with increasing dizziness.  

I remember being a kid, waiting on Christmas.  It took forever for it to get there.  In a matter of seconds it seemed it was over.  

Now, all of life seems that way.  Here I am in 2014.  How could this have happened?

I sent my wife an E-card on her anniversary of her job.  She started in 2001.  So, naturally, I congratulated her on her 12th year.  She corrected me.  And, as I started to correct her, I counted.  

Yep...12 years.  Oh wait....it's 2014....

How is it that a memory from something that seems like it was just a couple of years ago, is suddenly 20 or 30 years old?

Looking back over my life, I see times that were fun and gave me times of happiness.  Thank you to my brother, Stuart for so many of those.  Thank you to DeWayne (Bubba as he was known) for several others.  

There were many less than happy times as well.  

But through it all, I know I am who I am, and where I am because of all of the good (and bad) times.  So I have to be thankful, even for the bad times, for helping me get to where I am.

So many friends have come and gone.  So many others are currently sharing my life.  All of them have made this life what it is.

In spite of everything, it is a good life.  

There are times I get frustrated.  There are times I'm sad.  There are times I get irritated and angry.  So many times I wish people wouldn't act the way they do, or say the things they say.  But overall, I have a truly blessed life.  And I'm thankful for so many people that God has brought into my life to help me grow along the way.  It hasn't always been pleasant, but I have to be thankful for all of it.

So as I begin another year, thank you everyone.  For whatever it was you did with me, to me, or for me, throughout my life.  You have helped, willingly or not, to make life a wonderfully blessed experience.

Copper Trays and Moon-Monster

A random memory crossed my mind the other day while watching someone walk through a parking lot, pointing their iPad around the lot.  I assume they were videoing their walk to the car, but I'm not really sure why. 

It struck me as funny until the following memory came back. 

I'm not sure how old I was when I started, but I vividly remember recreating the scene when I was an older teenager.  I think I wanted to remember how much fun it was, or maybe to try to remember what it was that made it fun in the first place.

We had a polished copper tray when I was growing up.  My older brother, Stuart, discovered if you carried the tray while walking, you could look into the tray, and it reflected the ceiling.  It gave an illusion of walking on the ceiling; which for a child was quite entertaining.  At least for this child, it was.  We had a cathedral ceiling in the living room, and it was quite funny watching Stuart reach the edge of the dining room, and lift his foot to step over the drop before falling up (down?) to the ceiling above...below.............??  I'm sure I looked even funnier.

Keep in mind, (those of you born after 1980), we didn't have video games at that age.  When I was older, I got Pong for Christmas.  Google it, and laugh at how "sad" our lives were.  If we wanted to play, we had to use our imaginations.  I'm sure at some point, I said, "I'm bored," but I never remember that.  One of the reasons for that is my brother, Stuart. 

He was great at inventing games.  We bowled with tennis balls and empty toilet paper rolls in the bedroom hall; smashed Lego cars to see who could build the most indestructible one (guess who won that one); and he invented a clever, evil game to play at night.

One of us would start in the kitchen, and the other in the bedroom.  All of the lights in the house were turned out, and we would slowly start walking toward each other.  The purpose was to scare the other one.  (Guess who always won that game, too).  Obviously, that one was played when we were alone. 

Then there was Moon-Monster, which was an outside game.  One person has a tennis ball, soccer ball, etc., and they are "it".  They yell freeze, and everyone else has to stop.  They throw it at someone, and if they hit them, that person picks up the ball.  Everyone else can run away from the ball until the person picks it up and yells, "Freeze!".  If the thrower misses, he has to run and get the ball while everyone else runs from it.  We usually played that on the side of the house.  Once, we played in our neighbors back yard, where he had mowed paths in the uncut grass, so you had to stay on the path.

I have said often that I would not go back to those days for anything.  There were so many heavy things going on that I would never want to re-live.  But I also remember the fun times, and the silly things we did to entertain ourselves. 

I don't often thank people enough for the things they have done.  I'm sure I would not have made it without Stuart.  Teaching me how to "cook" Ravioli and SpaghettiOs, inventing games to keep me from getting bored and fat, and just being there for me helped keep me going.  I would say sane, but those who know me know I lost that battle long ago.

So thank you, Stuart.  For finding fun in a copper tray.  For finding interesting things to do when there was nothing available but an empty yard and a ball.  For teaching me things I needed to know to take care of myself.  And for always being there for me when I needed you.

I love you.

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations. – Jeremiah 1:5

So God created mankind in His own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female He created them. – Genesis 1:27

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. – Psalm 139:14

A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps. – Proverbs 16:9

How often have we looked in the mirror, and decided we weren’t happy with what we saw?  How often have we told God we aren’t happy with who we are?  How many times have we grumbled that we didn’t have the gifts someone else had?  How many times have we felt inferior because we didn’t think we were good enough; smart enough; strong enough?

All power rests in God’s hands.  He certainly could have made me 6’4” handsome, strong and smart.  But He (in His infinite wisdom that I too often distrust or second guess) created me to be exactly what I am.  I have spent a lot of time over my life wondering what it would be like to be different.  To have the strength I wish I had.  To be smarter that I am.  To be taller, better looking, more outgoing, etc.  Yet I get out of bed most mornings, struggle to get through a day, and wish things were different.

But where would I be? 

Maybe in a nicer house, with less money issues, a better job, etc. 

But if I were not exactly who I am (and who I have been, where I have been, when I have been there), the blessings I have been given may have been missed.

I wouldn’t trade all I have wished I were for what I have now.

Thank you, God, for making me who I am.  Help me to hear your voice; feel your presence, and trust your spirit.  Make me who you have created me to be.  Erase all of what I think I should be, or wish I were.  Thank you for the gifts I have.  Help me to use them the way you intended.  Make this New Year a year of following you closer than I ever have.  Living for you, as you guide my steps to make a difference in the world through me and my life.