Becoming an Ephesians Kind of Husband

Ephesians 5:

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

For the past year, I have been dealing with this issue.  We all know how we poke fun at this.  Men quote Ephesians 5:22: Wives, submit to your husbands, as unto the Lord.  And for many years, I was bothered that it didn't seem many women submitted to their husbands.  In fact, the last twenty years has seen men too often portrayed as bumbling fools.  How many commercials show a man trying to do something, and the wife comes to his rescue?  When did we decide that men had to be rescued because we were incapable of knowing how to do the simplest things?

But I digress...

I'm not a tough, macho kind of man.  I love playing sports, shooting, wrestling with my dog, and until recently, participated in a Krav Maga class.  (If you are unfamiliar, you can Google it).  So I'm not a wimp, certainly.  But I speak softly, and very seldom find anything worth arguing over.  I act like an idiot most of the time to make people laugh.  So if you were to walk into a room, and look for a man who would make a strong leader, you would likely look past me to someone taller, stronger and tougher looking.

Why would my wife submit to me?  If I were taller, stronger, louder, more assertive...more of a leader......

Blah, blah, blah.

I spent so many years wishing I could be someone else.  "If I looked like he does, my wife would love me more; respect me more," etc.

I began studying the Bible again for my own purposes.  From time to time, I would just bounce around and focus on certain areas.  Other times, I would find it hard to decide what I wanted to study.  It was during on of those time, I decided to just open the Bible and let it fall open.  It went to Ephesians 5.

"Well, that's dumb," I thought.  "I've studied that."

I wanted something different.  But something told me to really study it.  So I started reading through it quickly, knowing I knew the text.  I had taught it at least a couple of times in different ways.  And I taught it the way I feel it needed to be taught.

When discussing the Garden of Eden, we men tend to joke about Eve being the reason life is so hard.  But I think we all understand that she was tempted first.  Adam certainly would have also fallen if Satan had gone to him first.  And Adam willingly strayed.  Adam was held accountable.

So in teaching Ephesians 5, I had taught about how we are to love our wives as Christ loved the church, and gave Himself for her.  I know if it ever comes down to it, I will absolutely step in front of my wife to take a bullet to save her.  But what God began to reveal to me was much harder than that.

Harder than taking a bullet?  What could possibly be harder than that?

Living it.

As I taught this years ago, I tried to focus on being the type of man my wife would want to submit to.  I began truly praying for holiness.  I truly started seeking God to lead me in even the smallest things.  And I began to feel differently.  But something was still not right.  My relationship with my wife.

We don't fight.  We don't argue even, really.  There have been a couple of times, but overall, it feels like a pretty peaceful place.  But I kept going back to Ephesians 5.  For months, I kept wondering what God was trying to tell me.  I thought I was doing this right.  But He began to open my eyes to a deeper meaning in the words.

"...love your wife, as Christ loved the church...."

Yes, I understood.  Christ gave His life for the church.  I'm willing to do that.

"...love your wife, as Christ loves you...."

Okay.  Christ gave His life for me.  I'm willing...

"...love Dawn, as I have loved you..."

I've taken a couple of IQ tests (and not the silly ten question ones).  My scores were between 137 and 143.  So I don't consider myself ignorant.  But it still took awhile.  I began to really think about how Christ loves me.  I had to stop there.  I couldn't even consider loving my wife until I truly understood how He loved me.

That was eye opening in itself.  Yes, I know all of the Sunday School answers about God's love for me.  But I've never really understood it.  I tend to bash myself with "if you were better", or "God loves you, but"...  I found myself at the end of the day, realizing I had failed again, in one way or another.  Someone I was supposed to talk to, or something I wasn't supposed to do.  Irritation and bitterness over the situation at work.  Realizing that I hadn't been a "good Christian" that day left me wondering why God would choose to love me at all.

Yet, I know that Jesus Himself prays for me.

John 17:20 “I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word..."

Jesus was praying for His disciples, and also for those (us) who believe in Him through their (the disciples') word.

In spite of how I fail, Christ prays for me.  He stands before God to intercede when Satan accuses me.  The difference between me and Job is when Satan accuses me, he's absolutely right.

"God, look how Laron......"

Guilty as charged.

And Jesus answers that He has already paid for that.

I don't understand it, but I'll accept it.  It must hurt Christ horribly when I blatantly disregard His word.  When I go against His will.  When I ignore Him.  When I choose to follow my own path instead of His wiser, more loving way.  He died a death I can't fathom, to offer me a life with Him. Because He loves me.  And no matter how many times I fail, He is always there; loving me; praying for me.

Wow.

Revelation received.

This may come as a shock, but I married an imperfect woman.  Which is okay, because I'm far from a perfect man.

"...love Dawn as I love you..."

My biggest failure as a husband?  Being married for 16 years before realizing this.

When my wife does something that hurts me, I am not to try to punish her, or feel negatively toward her.  I am to love her.  I am to help her.  I am to pray for her.

Really?  It's okay when she accidentally forgets some little thing.  But I have to pray for her when she willingly does something she knows will hurt me?

"...love Dawn as I love you..."

I don't want to ever lose the love of Christ.  The Bible tells me it is impossible.  But I know I can choose to live outside His will for me.  And I don't ever want to lose the knowledge that He is praying for me, even when I have failed.

So I must be willing to love my wife the same way.

Thank you, Jesus, for loving me in a way I cannot comprehend.  Thank you for being willing to leave your home in Heaven to live in a fallen world.  For teaching us your way.  And most of all, for your grace and patience with one of your most stubborn pupils.  Thank you for praying for me even when I go astray.  Teach me every day to love my wife as you love me.

Thou, Oh LORD Are a Shield For Me

Yesterday was one of “those days”. 

The day before yesterday, during lunch, I was going through some of my old file folders and cleaning up.  I came across a folder of old choir songs.  I created a playlist for them, so I could listen to them while I’m playing with my square pegs. 

Yesterday, I was frustrated for a myriad of reasons.  Actually, frustration doesn't accurately describe how I was feeling.  I was far past frustrated.  I felt angry.  I cried out to God, even though I certainly did not feel like praying.  Most of you know that feeling.  You need help, but you’re angry and frustrated, and don’t want to pray.

How dumb is that? 

It’s like having a car that has a grinding sound from the engine, but instead of getting it to a mechanic, who can diagnose and fix it, we would rather just be angry and complain.

But I began praying (which can be interpreted as angrily griping about my situation).  Thank you, God, for being such a loving, patient Father to your spoiled little children.

As I was praying, I felt the still small voice tell me to listen to some music, and keep working on the square pegs.  So I did what any “good” Christian who desires to serve and honor his Father does.  I continued to complain.  I did not “feel like” listening to music.

After a moment, I gave up, and opened Media Player on my computer.  There were my playlists:

·         Choir

·         Bible (the entire Bible in audio format)

·         Country

·         Rock (exactly what it sounds like)

·         Uplifting (Contemporary Christian music)

If I was going to listen to anything, I was in the mood for rock.  But I found myself kicking off the Choir list.

And the music started.

Still angry…

Still frustrated…

Still didn’t want to listen to anything, much less Choir songs…

Thou, Oh Lord

Many are they increased that troubled me
Many are they that rise up against me
Many there be which say of my soul
There is no help for him in God

But Thou, oh Lord are a shield for me
My glory and the lifter of my head
Thou, oh Lord are a shield for me
My glory and the lifter of my head

I cried unto the Lord with my voice
And he heard me out of His holy hill
I laid me down and slept and awaked
For the Lord sustained, for he sustained me

Thou, oh Lord are a shield for me
My glory and the lifter of my head
Thou, oh Lord are shield for me
My glory and the lifter of my head

I soon found myself singing along. 

Music speaks to me in a way the spoken word never will.  And there were so many songs I loved singing in choir.  This was close to the top of the list.  As I silently sang my way through the song, I began to tear up as I hit the bridge.

I cried unto the Lord with my voice
And he heard me out of His holy hill
I laid me down and slept and awaked
For the Lord sustained, for he sustained me

And for some reason, I began to feel peace…

After the song ended, I played it again.  As the song neared the same spot, I felt it even stronger.  As I was crying to the LORD with my voice, He heard me.  And He was telling me that He would sustain me. 

I can’t explain the peace of God.  I don’t often feel it this strongly.  Deep inside, I know everything will be okay.  But in the midst of trials, I too often feel alone, and abandoned.  His word promises me I will never be that.  Ever.  This was one time He chose to sooth my anger with His gentle peace almost immediately.

If you have experienced that peace before, then you understand what I’m talking about.  If you haven’t, I could try all day to explain it, and you still wouldn't truly understand.

I don’t deserve for the God of all creation to take the time to worry about my little problems.  And please understand what I’m saying.  When He does, it has absolutely NOTHING to do with me being worth anything.  It is always ALL about His unfailing love.  His mercy.  His grace.  Why He chooses to bestow it on my during the times I’m most unlovable is something I will never understand this side of heaven. 

But I’ll gladly take it any time He chooses to give it.

No idea what I’m talking about? 

For God so loved the world….

You’ve all heard it…most of you can quote it.  

But do you believe it?  And does it make a difference in your life?

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations. – Jeremiah 1:5

So God created mankind in His own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female He created them. – Genesis 1:27

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. – Psalm 139:14

A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps. – Proverbs 16:9

How often have we looked in the mirror, and decided we weren’t happy with what we saw?  How often have we told God we aren’t happy with who we are?  How many times have we grumbled that we didn’t have the gifts someone else had?  How many times have we felt inferior because we didn’t think we were good enough; smart enough; strong enough?

All power rests in God’s hands.  He certainly could have made me 6’4” handsome, strong and smart.  But He (in His infinite wisdom that I too often distrust or second guess) created me to be exactly what I am.  I have spent a lot of time over my life wondering what it would be like to be different.  To have the strength I wish I had.  To be smarter that I am.  To be taller, better looking, more outgoing, etc.  Yet I get out of bed most mornings, struggle to get through a day, and wish things were different.

But where would I be? 

Maybe in a nicer house, with less money issues, a better job, etc. 

But if I were not exactly who I am (and who I have been, where I have been, when I have been there), the blessings I have been given may have been missed.

I wouldn’t trade all I have wished I were for what I have now.

Thank you, God, for making me who I am.  Help me to hear your voice; feel your presence, and trust your spirit.  Make me who you have created me to be.  Erase all of what I think I should be, or wish I were.  Thank you for the gifts I have.  Help me to use them the way you intended.  Make this New Year a year of following you closer than I ever have.  Living for you, as you guide my steps to make a difference in the world through me and my life.

11:00 PM, Monday, December 31st, 2012

It is 11:00 on the last night of the year 2012. As so many do on this day, I sit reflecting on the year past, and think about the coming year.

2012 brought stories of sadness, and anger. Jerry Sandusky showed us that even in the halls of schools, those who are chosen to guide and protect students are capable of horrible atrocities. There was the fall of General David Petraeus, showing that even heroes are capable of falling. And, of course, there were the 20 innocent children gunned down in their classrooms.

It seems every year, news stories grow colder and bleaker. More pain, more death, and more suffering. It's easy to feel little hope for the future.

Being a Christian, I read the Bible, and I know that the end will come one day. I can't imagine it will be too many more years (or months), before God decides He has had enough. And in spite of things I look forward to living and experiencing, I'm ready.

Yet, I'm called to be light and salt to the world around me. How can I be light when there is so much darkness? How can I possibly help people find hope when despair seems to fill each day?

In my quiet time, I pray for guidance and words. As my wife could attest, I'm not a very good communicator. This is evidenced by the fact that I average one blog posting about every four months. But I want to be able to communicate hope to those around me, especially when they are suffering. That's where I find some of my comfort.

When I feel down about what might be happening in my life, I look around, and realize there are so many people who have it so much worse than I do. When I complain about having a bad day at work, I look around and realize there are a lot of people who only wish they had a job to go to. And there are those who don't have the health to get out of bed, much less keep a job. In doing this, I find a perspective that brings me hope.

So to be uplifting, I should tell you about all of the wonderful things the New Year can bring. New, exciting changes in science or medicine. Maybe the economy will turn around this year. But we can't control much of that, so let's look at what we can control.

Every new year, we make resolutions that we have every intention of keeping. What is on your list? Maybe you will stick with your resolution to eat healthier this year. Maybe you will exercise five times a week the way you have tried to in the past few years. Maybe it's the year you choose to go back to school to finish a degree. Whatever your resolution, you make them for one reason. To try to make this year better than previous years.

So will this year be better? That depends on you. Not so much whether or not you make, or keep, your resolutions. That can in its own way, make you feel better about yourself. But when you are surrounded by news stories, will you feel discouraged, or will you be able to find peace?

It isn't like there is going to be a drastic change in the events that unfold around us. There will still be favorite people who we have put up on a pedestal who let us down. There will always be news stories about senseless killings of innocent people. Most nightly news will NOT be uplifting, happy stories. And if we rely on news stations to help us find peace, or even happiness, we will forever be unsettled.

What I hear when news stories tell us about the disasters, or horrible acts of people, are also stories of everyday heroes. The teacher who hid her students, saving many of their lives. Among the worst people, there are also the best people. In putting others ahead of themselves, they bring a ray of hope in the darkness of horrible acts.

I've often said that at the end of my life, if there are a handful of people who can truly say that their lives are better because of me, then my life has been worthwhile. Yet I realize there has been a lot of time I've spent worrying about what is going on in my life...to me. In 2013, I hope to truly live more for others, and less for myself. When I put others ahead of myself, I find peace. And when I'm suffering, the quickest way to feel better is to do something for someone else. Counterintuitive, I know.

But when we open our eyes to others, we learn that there are people all around who are hurting. When we spend all of our time looking down at our own feet, wondering how we will make it through whatever mess we are facing, we miss a great opportunity. When we help others, we help ourselves.

May each of us find more time in 2013. More time to spend in prayer. More time to read and study the Bible. Time to say thank you to a police officer; a firefighter; a soldier; a sailor. Time to help a neighbor rake his leaves. Time to just listen to those around us when they need to talk. Time to make our little corner of the world a little bit brighter for those around us.

God bless you in 2013.

 

Christmas?

As I sit here at lunch on December 18, 2012, I realize another Christmas is upon us. How can that even be possible? As I get older, the years fly faster. As I begin to think of the presents I’ve bought, and how I’m going to wrap them, I know I’ll soon need to start thinking about next year’s Christmas.


Each year, it seems harder to get into the Christmas spirit. As a kid, as soon as Halloween was over, I was in Sears, and whatever other catalogs we had, looking for the toys I wanted. My typical wish list had items like: Lego Fire Station, Toys-By-Roy catalog, page 13, Item E1. On the catalogs that we got in the mail, I might even clip out the item’s picture (just in case they couldn’t follow my explicit instructions). I didn’t want anyone being embarrassed if they accidentally bought me the wrong color of something.

But I digress.

I’m obviously busier as a working adult than I was as a child, so there is less time to sit and think about Christmas. And I realize that is why the years fly by more than they ever have. But even listening to the radio, and all of the Christmas music, I still find it hard to feel “Christmassy”.

Maybe if it wasn’t still in the 60’s and 70’s during the day, it would actually feel more like Christmas. Two weekends ago, we had Christmas on the Boulevard at my church. We had several indoor and outdoor scenes set up, where people would walk through and experience the Christmas story. People in costumes played the characters, as narrators told the story. Two live camels completed our live nativity. As I stood outside on Saturday evening, which was actually a few degrees cooler than Friday, I was sweating and swatting at mosquitos. December 9th…mosquitos.

And then there’s the horrible tragedy in Newton, Connecticut. It’s hard to feel “Christmassy” when thinking about so many beautiful, innocent children, taken in such a terrible way. And how on Earth could Adam Lanza, or any human being, ever reach a point where they were capable of doing such things?

And in my time of prayer, and asking God to comfort the families, I begin to think of what Christmas is all about.

“…but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” – Romans 5:8 (ESV)

If was for that exact reason that we even have Christmas. We were separated from God because of our sin. There is no way for us to ever reach heaven on our own. Only God could bridge the gap. It took His Son coming to Earth, and living His live to be an atonement for us. Without His sacrifice, we would be forever separated from God. Did Christ come to die for you? Yes. Did He come to die for me? Yes. Did He come to die for Adam Lanza?

Yes. Even for Adam Lanza.

In my mind, I look at people like him, and say he doesn’t deserve Christ. Then I have to realize that I don’t deserve Him either. That is the entire point. God’s grace. Unmerited favor. If we deserved it, we could no longer call it grace. Do I understand the grace that would shed His blood for such a person as Adam Lanza? No more than I understand the grace that shed His blood for me.

When I truly stop and think about what Christ did for me…it is a little easier to feel “Christmassy”.

God bless the hurting families in Connecticut. Surround them with your love and help them heal. Bless those who are suffering around the world, each and every day. Help us as your children to stand in the gap for them, to show your love to them, even when they don’t want to see or feel it. And help us as your children to model Jesus to a lost and dying world. May more eyes be opened this year to see Christmas for what it is truly all about.

Our Youth

So this past Saturday, I was part of the Bill Glass Prison Ministry team that went into several youth facilities in the DFW area.

There were four campuses that were visited in Dallas County. These ranged from non-fenced centers designed to help troubled youth get their lives straightened out, to facilities holding sentenced youth before they are sent to an actual prison. A youth convicted of a crime will not be sent to prison until he is at least seventeen. Until they reach that age, they are kept at one of the youth facilities.

So we were spent the day with kids from broken homes, many of whom had been involved in gangs. Sitting across from a kid with gang tattoos up and down his arms breaks something inside. Somehow, you go from looking at a kid like this as a punk, to seeing someone facing a life of consequences due to his choices.

They earn points through the day to gain privileges. If they don't have enough points, they don't even get to have a visitor. When they get to a certain level, their family can come visit with them on a Saturday afternoon. Another level lets them go home to visit on a Saturday. Eventually, they can work up to a 48-hour release to live at home during the weekend.

One kid earned that privilege, and went home at 6 PM on Friday, only to be dropped off early Saturday morning because his mother had to work all weekend. He played it tough, like he didn't care a lot, but you know it had to hurt him. But mom doesn't have a choice. Most of these kids come from single-parent homes...or worse.

They know they need to turn their lives around, but when one chooses to open up, and admit he needs help, he is often ridiculed or persecuted by the others. Show compassion, or weakness, and you are called "friendly." I never thought that was a bad thing until I heard one of them discuss it. He said he was trying to pray, and read his Bible, but the others picked on him a lot. At least he was trying.

Most of the kids have no hope for themselves. We can come in and talk to them for a day about how we care about them, and they can have a better life for themselves when they get out. But as you talk, you see their eyes, looking around the room in total apathy. They will tell you what they think you want to hear. In their voices, you hear no concern, no hope, and no desire for anything other than to get this over with.

Some decisions were made. In our unit, there were 14 who accepted the Gospel. Out of those, I only personally spoke with two. Only God truly knows, but they seemed to only be going through the motions because they thought they were supposed to. Out of the fourteen, I hope there were at least a couple who were sincere. If nothing else, they were given Bible studies, and will be followed up with by the Chaplain of the unit.

Without the hope, and a changed life, these kids will be more statistics in a database. They get out, only to come back. And the crimes may go from stealing or drugs to much worse as they grow. They will go back to the same homes, in the same neighborhoods, surrounded by the same kids. And they will likely slip back into the same life they had before.

My part was easy. Spend one Saturday, offering hope and an answer to those who need it most. Driving home, I wasn't able to feel I had "done my part". Leaving a campus of youth, most of whom have no hope for tomorrow.

The one day I spent left images and discussions that broke through, and showed me what "life" is really like for some.

God help them. And help us, as Your people, to not turn our backs on them. Never let us write them off as untouchable. Give us the courage to share the grace you have given to us. And help us to remember we are no more deserving of Your grace than they are.