Becoming an Ephesians Kind of Husband

Ephesians 5:

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, 26 so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. 28 So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; 29 for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, 30 because we are members of His body. 31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. 32 This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

For the past year, I have been dealing with this issue.  We all know how we poke fun at this.  Men quote Ephesians 5:22: Wives, submit to your husbands, as unto the Lord.  And for many years, I was bothered that it didn't seem many women submitted to their husbands.  In fact, the last twenty years has seen men too often portrayed as bumbling fools.  How many commercials show a man trying to do something, and the wife comes to his rescue?  When did we decide that men had to be rescued because we were incapable of knowing how to do the simplest things?

But I digress...

I'm not a tough, macho kind of man.  I love playing sports, shooting, wrestling with my dog, and until recently, participated in a Krav Maga class.  (If you are unfamiliar, you can Google it).  So I'm not a wimp, certainly.  But I speak softly, and very seldom find anything worth arguing over.  I act like an idiot most of the time to make people laugh.  So if you were to walk into a room, and look for a man who would make a strong leader, you would likely look past me to someone taller, stronger and tougher looking.

Why would my wife submit to me?  If I were taller, stronger, louder, more assertive...more of a leader......

Blah, blah, blah.

I spent so many years wishing I could be someone else.  "If I looked like he does, my wife would love me more; respect me more," etc.

I began studying the Bible again for my own purposes.  From time to time, I would just bounce around and focus on certain areas.  Other times, I would find it hard to decide what I wanted to study.  It was during on of those time, I decided to just open the Bible and let it fall open.  It went to Ephesians 5.

"Well, that's dumb," I thought.  "I've studied that."

I wanted something different.  But something told me to really study it.  So I started reading through it quickly, knowing I knew the text.  I had taught it at least a couple of times in different ways.  And I taught it the way I feel it needed to be taught.

When discussing the Garden of Eden, we men tend to joke about Eve being the reason life is so hard.  But I think we all understand that she was tempted first.  Adam certainly would have also fallen if Satan had gone to him first.  And Adam willingly strayed.  Adam was held accountable.

So in teaching Ephesians 5, I had taught about how we are to love our wives as Christ loved the church, and gave Himself for her.  I know if it ever comes down to it, I will absolutely step in front of my wife to take a bullet to save her.  But what God began to reveal to me was much harder than that.

Harder than taking a bullet?  What could possibly be harder than that?

Living it.

As I taught this years ago, I tried to focus on being the type of man my wife would want to submit to.  I began truly praying for holiness.  I truly started seeking God to lead me in even the smallest things.  And I began to feel differently.  But something was still not right.  My relationship with my wife.

We don't fight.  We don't argue even, really.  There have been a couple of times, but overall, it feels like a pretty peaceful place.  But I kept going back to Ephesians 5.  For months, I kept wondering what God was trying to tell me.  I thought I was doing this right.  But He began to open my eyes to a deeper meaning in the words.

"...love your wife, as Christ loved the church...."

Yes, I understood.  Christ gave His life for the church.  I'm willing to do that.

"...love your wife, as Christ loves you...."

Okay.  Christ gave His life for me.  I'm willing...

"...love Dawn, as I have loved you..."

I've taken a couple of IQ tests (and not the silly ten question ones).  My scores were between 137 and 143.  So I don't consider myself ignorant.  But it still took awhile.  I began to really think about how Christ loves me.  I had to stop there.  I couldn't even consider loving my wife until I truly understood how He loved me.

That was eye opening in itself.  Yes, I know all of the Sunday School answers about God's love for me.  But I've never really understood it.  I tend to bash myself with "if you were better", or "God loves you, but"...  I found myself at the end of the day, realizing I had failed again, in one way or another.  Someone I was supposed to talk to, or something I wasn't supposed to do.  Irritation and bitterness over the situation at work.  Realizing that I hadn't been a "good Christian" that day left me wondering why God would choose to love me at all.

Yet, I know that Jesus Himself prays for me.

John 17:20 “I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word..."

Jesus was praying for His disciples, and also for those (us) who believe in Him through their (the disciples') word.

In spite of how I fail, Christ prays for me.  He stands before God to intercede when Satan accuses me.  The difference between me and Job is when Satan accuses me, he's absolutely right.

"God, look how Laron......"

Guilty as charged.

And Jesus answers that He has already paid for that.

I don't understand it, but I'll accept it.  It must hurt Christ horribly when I blatantly disregard His word.  When I go against His will.  When I ignore Him.  When I choose to follow my own path instead of His wiser, more loving way.  He died a death I can't fathom, to offer me a life with Him. Because He loves me.  And no matter how many times I fail, He is always there; loving me; praying for me.

Wow.

Revelation received.

This may come as a shock, but I married an imperfect woman.  Which is okay, because I'm far from a perfect man.

"...love Dawn as I love you..."

My biggest failure as a husband?  Being married for 16 years before realizing this.

When my wife does something that hurts me, I am not to try to punish her, or feel negatively toward her.  I am to love her.  I am to help her.  I am to pray for her.

Really?  It's okay when she accidentally forgets some little thing.  But I have to pray for her when she willingly does something she knows will hurt me?

"...love Dawn as I love you..."

I don't want to ever lose the love of Christ.  The Bible tells me it is impossible.  But I know I can choose to live outside His will for me.  And I don't ever want to lose the knowledge that He is praying for me, even when I have failed.

So I must be willing to love my wife the same way.

Thank you, Jesus, for loving me in a way I cannot comprehend.  Thank you for being willing to leave your home in Heaven to live in a fallen world.  For teaching us your way.  And most of all, for your grace and patience with one of your most stubborn pupils.  Thank you for praying for me even when I go astray.  Teach me every day to love my wife as you love me.

FIRST RESPONDER

Reports out now show that Fort Worth Police Department is now reaching the ten minute mark on priority 1 calls. Priority 1 means there is an immediate threat to human life. So if you are being attacked in your home by an intruder, you can expect the police to show up in 9 minutes and 45 seconds.

**Please do NOT misunderstand this...I am extremely thankful for the police, and all that they do.  I thank God for them every day.**

But this report shows one thing:

YOU ARE THE FIRST RESPONDER

When you or your family are being threatened, YOU are the only one you can count on to defend yourself.

The police do a wonderful job. However, there are 20 officers for every 10,000 citizens. They can only do so much.

Should you find yourself being awakened in the middle of the night by someone kicking in your front door, you have a couple of options:

1. You can dial 911 and pray there is an officer rolling down your street at that exact moment

2. You can defend yourself

In 1996, the average was 12 seconds from the time a home invasion begins, and the moment you were faced with a deadly force decision. So the instant someone begins to kick your door in (or climb in a window), you have 12 seconds before you decide whether to pull the trigger or not.

So picture a police officer driving up your street. Even if he is sitting two houses down, the likelihood that he will make it to your house in time to stop you or your family from being injured or killed is slim. Count the seconds to yourself as you think about what has to happen.

You are startled from your sleep by a horrendous sound.

The stopwatch has started.

It takes you at least a second to convince yourself that the sound you heard is real, and not just a dream.

"Someone is breaking in" you think to yourself.

You waste at least a half-second trying to decide what to do as you shake the sleepy cobwebs from your brain.

"Call 911" you think and reach for your phone.

tick-tick

You unlock your phone, (we'll say you actually get it right the first time, even though you are still not fully functioning), and dial 911.

It rings.

tick-tick

"911, what is your emergency?"

You are relieved that they answered on the first ring.

"Yes, I live at....."

You have to give them your address, since you are likely on a cell phone.

"Someone just kicked my front door in, and I think they're in the house"

Your 12 seconds are up. You look up, and see a man (or two or three men) walking into your bedroom. One has a gun, and the other two have knives.

NOW what do you do?

I'm not going to try to talk to you about buying a gun for home defense, or getting your Concealed Handgun License so you can defend your family.

I just want you to realize that you may not be able to depend on the police during the few seconds you really need them.

Seat belts do a great job, but if you wait until you start to get into an accident before putting them on, it is too late.

The police will get there as soon as they can, but they will likely only be able to take a report about what happened.

What do you do to defend yourself?

Make no mistake...you are the first responder. It is up to you to defend your life, and the lives of your family. If you do not prepare now, you may simply become another statistic.

Why I Carry ALL The Time

My wife was teasing me one day a couple of years ago when I was in the kitchen with my gun on my hip.

"Do you really think you need that in here?" she asked. 

Yes.  Yes I do.

Obviously, I hope to be safer inside my own home than out somewhere at a restaurant.  But I read the news.  And I am on the internet enough to see what kind of world we are living in now.

I explained to her that if I am in the kitchen, and someone kicks in the door, my gun is on the other side of the house.  I may as well not even have one.  I have friends who say if that happened to them, they would remain calm and reason with the person.

If someone is willing to kick you door in when they know you are home, there is no reasoning to be had.  They are willing to commit a felony (they are likely armed, and that is not only breaking and entering, but armed robbery).  They are willing to do bodily harm to you.  And there are countless cases of people trying to reason with the intruder, and still winding up dead.  

The story below is of two women who were killed by men running from the police.  They were "safe" inside their homes.

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Two Florida residents, a mother and daughter, were brutally murdered inside their home during a chance encounter with four armed and wanted men after they wound up at the home during a crime spree and police chase.

These men were on the run after robbing a pawn shop, and became trapped inside the residential development they happened upon during the chase. Abandoning their vehicle, they burst inside the home of 51-year-old Deborah Royal, and her mother 72-year-old Patricia Moran.

As police were setting up a perimeter around the home they believed the men went into, a vehicle came right through the garage door. Police fired at the vehicle before it quickly crashed.

Before the men tried to get away by ramming the garage door, they brutally murdered the two women inside their home. The women were simply inside their own home, and had no warning as to what was about to happen.

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Having a gun, and NOT having it on you is no help.  The link below is of a video where a man and two friends are killed in a home invasion at 7:30 AM.  

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vaBMV2BfwBc

You can watch the video from an MSNBC news story.  I WARN YOU -- it is graphic.  

The homeowner had suffered break in burglaries, and had installed hidden cameras inside his home.  

While he visits with his friends, a man comes to the back door, pointing a gun at him.  Once inside, he hits the homeowner with the gun, and beats him while he is on the ground.  The women are tied up while the thugs rummage through the home.  

The homeowner owned a gun.  But it was in the bedroom.  He owned a CHL, and didn't feel a need to carry at home.  

With the homeowner's own gun from the bedroom, one of the intruders shoots all three victims in the head.  (He missed one of the women, but they are all three shot again by the first gunman).   

These things happen.  If you own a gun, please keep it on you, even at home.  There are bad people everywhere.  

Don't be another victim.